"Listen man, I'm always right because I'm a fucking celestial wizard. Who fucking knows the future? Me. Why? That's what a fucking celestial wizard does. Reads the future and shit. Who knows who the bad guys are? Me. Why? Because I'm the fucking celestial wizard. Who saw this shit going down a mile away? Me, because I'm the fucking celestial wizard. My job is to know this shit. You know why? Because I'm the motherfucking celestial wizard and celestial wizards are the fuckers who know this shit. So let's kick the fuck out of these fuckers already and get this fucking kid back already from these assholes or whatever the fuck they're up to."
Karl got kidnapped tonight by Nurgle cultists, and I called it beforehand but didn't actually manage to prevent it. This monologue had the guy sitting next to me in stitches. Technically I'm only an apprentice celestial wizard (next session Waldemar will take his journeyman's test), but as the only wizard around most of the time, I stretch it pretty far.
Why won't they listen to the celestial wizard?!
ReplyDeleteWine, women and the promise of wealth, the fools!
DeleteThis is brilliant.
ReplyDelete